Isn’t it weird how there are people all over the world going through very similar situations, yet it feels so incredibly isolating in daily life?
I’ve been like this ever since I was a child so I have basically spent my entire life struggling with perfectionism. It feels like it is all people appreciate about my work, I was always praised for my attention to detail, my patience and persistence. And I know it is not all I am, but others won’t see me letting go as progress.
How did you deal with people’s perception of you? I know I shouldn’t care, but I do, and my mind uses this knowledge to keep me stuck.
I realize that response got very long. I just want to add that my heart does go out to you. People rarely view perfectionism as a burden, but I know the weight.
Part of what makes humans beautiful is that we aren’t perfect yet we’re still able to grow and learn and change for the glory of God and the love of each other. And in case no one has ever noticed or told you before…you are allowed to be human, dear Marina. It’s the only way to grow into something more beautiful. 🤎
Wow, thank you so much for the response, it means a lot to me. I’ll get through this, it will just take some time. Thanks for the encouragement and kind words!
In some ways, I’m still figuring out how to deal with others’ perceptions of me and I don’t know that I’ll ever fully get past it. What I’ve learned so far has taken time. 🤎
I had to create space for depth in my life. I needed deeper, realer relationships to remind me that authenticity is good and whole and beautiful. I needed deeper, rawer perspectives of life to remind me there is more to the mess. I needed deeper, stronger perceptions of myself to remind me who I really was.
All of those take time.
Mostly, though, I needed to ask myself deeper questions. Looking back on the last few years, a lot of my insecurity about others’ perceptions of me stemmed from my personal insecurity with myself. I had to take myself deeper into the issue before I could figure out how to get out. I had to ask myself harder questions, like…
“Why does this bother me?”
“Whose approval am I really seeking?”
“Why don’t I like this part of myself?”
“What is maturity really?”
The deeper I dug, the more I saw how flimsy my perfectionism was (and is, when it pops up every now and again). It isn’t perfect at all. In fact, it’s usually a guise for my insecurities, flaws, and fears. Realizing that helped me to seek true maturity.
I started to really mature and grow, when I stopped looking at myself.
Instead of continuing to dissect every part of my life into segments of perfect/imperfect, good/bad, etc. I switched my gaze outward and upward.
I prayed more. I asked God for wisdom and for grace and for humility. I also found that adjusting my thoughts from my needs to others’ needs was incredibly healing.
Perfectionists are constantly trying to sort themselves out. But sometimes the answer is to stop replaying every moment and pour your energy out in service instead. You’ll be amazed how clear life becomes just by focusing your eyes on the needs of those around you. When you begin to see the depths of them, you will not have nearly so much time to worry about others’ perceptions of you.
I know those are not exactly clear, easy fixes. But I do think they are healing and enough, with God’s grace. And with time. 🤎 There is a time for everything, even in perfectionism. Sometimes letting go will be through deep reflection. Sometimes it will be through busying your heart and mind to ignore the pressing thoughts. Every day may be different and I don’t know that any of us will ever fully understand all the why’s and how’s.
But I know this: The Lord cares. And stressing over how to overcome perfectionism only fuels it. So instead of targeting the behavior…the very best thing any of us can do is lean closer, deeper, nearer into His arms. To ask for daily strength. To say, as Saint Ambrose said, “I will not glory because I am righteous, but I will glory because I am redeemed.”
I will carry you in prayer, Marina and I am cheering you on. Courage, dear heart. These are the soldier years.
Lovely. I'm starting to learn that life is like a refining fire, or maybe a tapestry. What happens is making rare, pure metal in the crucible. Or, in the other metaphor, the chaotic threads create the symmetry of the art on the reverse side. I used to think in terms of mistakes and regret. Now, I just think of that prayer quilt made of strings you pull through or the crucible, and I think in terms of authenticity. : )
Rue, you have done it again. This hit so close to home. I discovered my desire and tendency towards order and control when I was seventeen. Since then, it has been a daily battle and constant surrender. This year, God informed me it was time to let go of my pride and embrace godly humility. It's a learning process, but sometimes death is required for new growth. ♥
I relate so deeply to all of this, friend. Sometimes I have asked myself if it was worth figuring out what the struggle was because the struggle of getting rid of the identified struggle (talk about a brain teaser!) is really hard. But, I am absolutely in agreement with you and love what you said. Life is about more than fixing the issue, it's about the dependency we learn on the hand of God upon the way.
Thank you for sharing, Briar. It is encouraging to know we are slowly walking similar roads together. ♡
Wow, this is so good. <3 I feel like this could apply to so many things. Issues we face, that we embrace and become part of who we are when really it's not our aesthetic... we need to face them, lay them down at the Father's feet, and grow past them. So so beautiful, Rue. <3
Thank you so much, Bella. This comment was so encouraging to me! ♡
I couldn't agree more. "We need to face them, lay them down at the Father's feet, and grow past them." Amen! The urgency and simplicity of this sentence sums up my entire thoughts on the matter. May we strive ever onward and upward.
Isn’t it weird how there are people all over the world going through very similar situations, yet it feels so incredibly isolating in daily life?
I’ve been like this ever since I was a child so I have basically spent my entire life struggling with perfectionism. It feels like it is all people appreciate about my work, I was always praised for my attention to detail, my patience and persistence. And I know it is not all I am, but others won’t see me letting go as progress.
How did you deal with people’s perception of you? I know I shouldn’t care, but I do, and my mind uses this knowledge to keep me stuck.
I realize that response got very long. I just want to add that my heart does go out to you. People rarely view perfectionism as a burden, but I know the weight.
Part of what makes humans beautiful is that we aren’t perfect yet we’re still able to grow and learn and change for the glory of God and the love of each other. And in case no one has ever noticed or told you before…you are allowed to be human, dear Marina. It’s the only way to grow into something more beautiful. 🤎
Wow, thank you so much for the response, it means a lot to me. I’ll get through this, it will just take some time. Thanks for the encouragement and kind words!
Mm, this is so deep and real, Marina.
In some ways, I’m still figuring out how to deal with others’ perceptions of me and I don’t know that I’ll ever fully get past it. What I’ve learned so far has taken time. 🤎
I had to create space for depth in my life. I needed deeper, realer relationships to remind me that authenticity is good and whole and beautiful. I needed deeper, rawer perspectives of life to remind me there is more to the mess. I needed deeper, stronger perceptions of myself to remind me who I really was.
All of those take time.
Mostly, though, I needed to ask myself deeper questions. Looking back on the last few years, a lot of my insecurity about others’ perceptions of me stemmed from my personal insecurity with myself. I had to take myself deeper into the issue before I could figure out how to get out. I had to ask myself harder questions, like…
“Why does this bother me?”
“Whose approval am I really seeking?”
“Why don’t I like this part of myself?”
“What is maturity really?”
The deeper I dug, the more I saw how flimsy my perfectionism was (and is, when it pops up every now and again). It isn’t perfect at all. In fact, it’s usually a guise for my insecurities, flaws, and fears. Realizing that helped me to seek true maturity.
I started to really mature and grow, when I stopped looking at myself.
Instead of continuing to dissect every part of my life into segments of perfect/imperfect, good/bad, etc. I switched my gaze outward and upward.
I prayed more. I asked God for wisdom and for grace and for humility. I also found that adjusting my thoughts from my needs to others’ needs was incredibly healing.
Perfectionists are constantly trying to sort themselves out. But sometimes the answer is to stop replaying every moment and pour your energy out in service instead. You’ll be amazed how clear life becomes just by focusing your eyes on the needs of those around you. When you begin to see the depths of them, you will not have nearly so much time to worry about others’ perceptions of you.
I know those are not exactly clear, easy fixes. But I do think they are healing and enough, with God’s grace. And with time. 🤎 There is a time for everything, even in perfectionism. Sometimes letting go will be through deep reflection. Sometimes it will be through busying your heart and mind to ignore the pressing thoughts. Every day may be different and I don’t know that any of us will ever fully understand all the why’s and how’s.
But I know this: The Lord cares. And stressing over how to overcome perfectionism only fuels it. So instead of targeting the behavior…the very best thing any of us can do is lean closer, deeper, nearer into His arms. To ask for daily strength. To say, as Saint Ambrose said, “I will not glory because I am righteous, but I will glory because I am redeemed.”
I will carry you in prayer, Marina and I am cheering you on. Courage, dear heart. These are the soldier years.
Thank you Rue <3 So proud of you!
Lovely. I'm starting to learn that life is like a refining fire, or maybe a tapestry. What happens is making rare, pure metal in the crucible. Or, in the other metaphor, the chaotic threads create the symmetry of the art on the reverse side. I used to think in terms of mistakes and regret. Now, I just think of that prayer quilt made of strings you pull through or the crucible, and I think in terms of authenticity. : )
Oh, I love this. Thank you dearly for sharing it 🤎
Thank you so much for posting this, it really resonated with me <3
Oh, I'm so glad! My writing means the most to me when it can be used for others, so hearing that means the world to me. ♡
Rue, you have done it again. This hit so close to home. I discovered my desire and tendency towards order and control when I was seventeen. Since then, it has been a daily battle and constant surrender. This year, God informed me it was time to let go of my pride and embrace godly humility. It's a learning process, but sometimes death is required for new growth. ♥
I relate so deeply to all of this, friend. Sometimes I have asked myself if it was worth figuring out what the struggle was because the struggle of getting rid of the identified struggle (talk about a brain teaser!) is really hard. But, I am absolutely in agreement with you and love what you said. Life is about more than fixing the issue, it's about the dependency we learn on the hand of God upon the way.
Thank you for sharing, Briar. It is encouraging to know we are slowly walking similar roads together. ♡
Wow, this is so good. <3 I feel like this could apply to so many things. Issues we face, that we embrace and become part of who we are when really it's not our aesthetic... we need to face them, lay them down at the Father's feet, and grow past them. So so beautiful, Rue. <3
Thank you so much, Bella. This comment was so encouraging to me! ♡
I couldn't agree more. "We need to face them, lay them down at the Father's feet, and grow past them." Amen! The urgency and simplicity of this sentence sums up my entire thoughts on the matter. May we strive ever onward and upward.